i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
