She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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