I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
