also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
