I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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