U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize