I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
