Nicole vs. Life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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