And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
