Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
