May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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