I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
