I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
