My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
