Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
