I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
