just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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