Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
