I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
