Redeem this text for a blowjob
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Terrible idea I love it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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