Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
