You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
