i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
