I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
