Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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