Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
