His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
