WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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