he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your penis caused this!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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