You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
