Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I won the penis lottery.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
