You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
