It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
