yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
