remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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