Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize