and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
