You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
