3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize