She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
