Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
