RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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