i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
