I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
