Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dick very happy bro
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
