I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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