How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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