I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
