No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
