...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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