I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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