So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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