guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had to cum in my sink.
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