god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
