fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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