Your mouth is God's brothel.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
