OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
