My underwear smells like fireworks.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am available for nakedness
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
