It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
