i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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