I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
