hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
