Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
