if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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