that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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