Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
