Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i've created a new STD.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
