He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
