I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
