obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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