dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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