Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry my hands just texted you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
