You really coming over, don't trick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to calm my uterus...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
