I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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