I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
