Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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