he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
