I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
