I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
