you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it glows. i had to have it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize