I want to make a zoo with you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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