dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
