Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
