wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
