Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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