I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize