your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
