Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just high enough for therapy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
