Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
