There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
