he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish there were birth control emojis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i need some magic done to my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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