I must be too annoying 4 u.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
