i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
