Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
