Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
