I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
