i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
