She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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