just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
