pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize