Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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