You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize