you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
