so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
