At least make sure they are 18
Why
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
