david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
